Letting Go
by Catherin Rabb
Summary: Harm rethinks his feelings for Mac. Can be seen as continuation of 'Question: friends Or More', but can stand alone. !!!!Update: Part 3 is here!!!!
1. An Invitation

Title: " Letting Go "(1/?)  
Author: Catherin Rabb (catherinrabb@aol.com)  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any characters,   
just borrowing them for   
a moment.   
Classification: S (Harm/Mac)  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: None that I know of.  
Summary: Harm rethinks his feeling for Mac.   
Can be seen as sequel to 'Question: Friends  
Or More', but it can stand alone.   
  
  
Hi everyone! Thanks for the great feedback. I hope  
you'll like this story as well, but as before critiques  
of every kind are welcomed, good or bad. Have fun reading.  
Here it goes folks.   
  
  
  
Letting Go   
by Catherin Rabb  
  
  
Part 1  
  
Jag Headquarters  
1730 Hours  
  
  
Colonel Sarah MacKenzie sat at her desk going over   
the latest facts on her current sentence. She had to   
defend a young Ensign who was opposed of having   
harassed a Lt. j.g .  
  
She had found proofs for the innocence of her client.   
In fact it was his best friend, so she was busy with   
working out a request to to drop all charges against   
her client.  
  
So as she was finished, she stopped, having the oddest   
sense of being watched. Looking up she saw her partner   
Harmon Rabb jr. leaning against the doorframe, watching   
her with his famous flyboy gin gracing his mouth.   
  
"Hey Sailor, what are ya looking at ?" ,she asked, closing   
her files. Harm stepped in front of her desk. "Just a very   
hungry looking Marine, right ?!"  
  
Sarah hid a smile and started packing her stuff .  
  
"And ," she looked up at him expectantly ," what are you   
going to do about it ?"  
  
Harm mentioned for her to follow and both made their way   
towards the elevator. "Well, Mac, what about dinner at my   
place? Say 1900 ?"  
  
Mac pretended to be seriously thinking about his offer.   
"Having a Deja Vu. Meatless meatloaf ?!", she teased him.  
  
"Mac ?! I wanted to make chicken, but now..." , he joined   
into her teasing.  
  
"Okay, Squid, 1900 is fine with me. See ya then ."  
  
Harm went to the grocery store on his way home. He wanted   
to prepare something special for dinner. The last time they   
had dinner was more than two weeks ago - Mac was so exhausted,   
she fell asleep, it had been long before he was able to   
get some sleep, but it had been worse it.  
  
Work had prevented another dinner. But instead other things   
had happened.   
  
Mic Brumby had gone back to Australia, shortly after Mac had   
giving back the ring to him. After it was missing from her   
left hand, Harm was frantically trying to get a look at her   
right, but none there, either. Mac didn't talk about it and   
he would not be the one to pressure her into telling him what   
happened. But he would be there if Sarah needed someone to   
talk to.   
  
The weekend afterwards he spend with his Grandma.   
She had sensed his inner turmoil. It helped talking to her,   
partly because she had kicked his six, telling him to go   
ahead and tell that Sarah of his how he felt. The week afterwards   
he felt like one heavy burden had been taking off his shoulders.   
  
Every time he saw Mac at the office he couldn't help but smile and   
watch her. Admire her strenght, but also knowing that deep down she  
had a soft core once she let down her guards. Her smiles made his   
heart beat faster, his legs went to jelly. He not only admired her   
beauty, but also the aura of strenght, stubornness and courage   
which surounded her.   
  
So, tonight he would take all his courage together and talk   
to her.   
  
  
  
[End] Part 1 of ?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Dinner

Title: " Letting Go "(2/?)  
Author: Catherin Rabb (catherinrabb@aol.com)  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any characters,   
just borrowing them for a moment.   
Classification: S (Harm/Mac)  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: None that I know of.  
Summary: The Dinner.   
  
Hi! Thanks for the feedback on part 1. I had some time tonight so here's   
part 2. I dunno how long I need to continue, but I'll do my best.  
Have fun reading and tell me what you think.  
  
  
Letting Go  
by Catherin Rabb  
  
Part 2  
  
  
  
Harm had just finished the cooking and was busy putting the   
final touches to the nicely decorated table, as the doorbell rang.  
  
'On time as always ', he thought, smiling to himself, but saying   
out loud, "Coming!"  
  
Opening the door he found the woman who occupied his thoughts   
in front of him. "Hi there!"  
  
Mac couldn't help but smile back at him, he looked good even when   
he was in jeans and shirt.  
  
"Hey, " she answered. Stepping in, Harm took her coat and closed the   
door.  
  
Now, Mac had the time to look around. "You know, squid, I could get   
used to this!! "  
  
Harm just shrugged his shoulder, giving her his best   
' I - don't - know - what - you're - talking - about - look'. But Mac   
didn't take it.  
  
"You're spoiling me too much. Dinner the last time was great and   
know you're cooking again for me. If the food is half as good as   
the ambience and the company, then it must be delicious. Thank you."   
She was really touched by the effort he took just to surprise her and   
how easy it was for him to make her feel comfortable.   
  
Harm went back into the kitchen to get the food, while Mac sat down   
at the table.   
  
"You haven't even tried the food. Good that you like the table - well   
I just had to try my decorating skills on somebody !!", he replied,   
bringing her a plate with dinner.  
  
"Here you go, hope you're hungry, but who am I asking ?!"  
  
Mac chuckled. "Let's it, squid!"  
  
Soft music was playing in the background and no word was said during   
dinner. But it was no awkward silence. They were comfortable,   
understanding each other even without words.   
  
Afterwards, Mac helped him again with the dishes, the teasing   
begin anew.  
  
"So, tell me, this wasn't just for nothing, Harm. Were you   
celebrating or what was it?!"   
  
They had make some tea and Harm gave Mac her cup leading her to   
the couch, then standing up again to put in a new CD, all the same   
avoiding her question.  
  
Mac meant to be teasing, but grew serious when he didn't answer   
immediately.  
  
Finally he sat down next to her, slowly sipping his tea. "You are   
not nothing, Sarah. "  
  
Mac knew that it was serious, because only than he used her given   
name. "Gee, thanks, but Harm what's up? Did something happen? You   
know you can talk to me about everything, right?! I am here for you."   
She lightly touched Harm's hand trying to give him the assurance of her   
presence.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Harm began talking.  
  
"Remember our talk at the ferry?", he shifted nervously trying to avoid   
her eyes.  
  
Instantly, Mac tensed and drew back her hand. She only nodded, her face   
blank.  
  
"I said then that I couldn't let go, well, I can now. What I meant was   
the fear of loving someone, so much that it hurt. If I would have let go,   
it meant to let someone near me. See the real me, my fears, my hopes. "   
As Mac was about to protest, Harm stopped her by gently covering her lips   
with his index finger.   
  
Harm smiled shyly.  
  
"I was afraid that if I love you, share my love with you and when you see   
the me, the real me, that you would leave and I couldn't stand being away   
from you, being rejected. But that had allready happened. You know more   
about me, than my own mother. I let you in without realizing it and  
even after all that has happened you are still here with me." Harm moved   
a bit closer and looked her directly into the eyes.  
  
"Sarah, when you wore Brumby's ring and really considered to marry him,   
my world broke apart. On the ferry I thought time was on my site, that I   
could come to terms with my feelings and tell you then. I was hurt and   
treated you the way I felt."   
  
He took her hands in his.  
  
"I do have strong feelings for you. I want to protect you,   
I also know that you are one tough Marine. But I know the soft, lovely,   
beautiful Sarah behind the strong Mac."  
  
Sarah was confused, the walls were trembling. "You really think that I   
am beautiful?"  
  
"Of course I do, and I want to tell you everyday for the rest of my life.   
I want to have you near me, hold you, wake up next to you. But I know   
that I do not have the right to demand anything. I know that. The only   
thing that I need to tell you... to give you... is..", he stocked.  
  
"Is my love. Sarah Mackenzie, I love you."  
  
A few minutes of silence and deep breathes, Harm dared to look up again.   
Tears were running down Sarah's face and her lips were pressed into a   
tight line. Confusion filled Harm's heart, he didn't know whether he should   
let her cry alone and wait till she calmed or just take Sarah into his arms.  
  
But Sarah calmed down before he could make a decision.   
  
"Harm, you know that I wanted to hear these words from you for a long   
time. Nevertheless, you hurt me badly and how can I be sure that you   
won't change your mind again and hurt me once more ?! I still have deep   
feelings for you, maybe even love, but am afraid, too. Scared that if it   
doesn't work out the way we want it to, what then. We worked so hard to   
get back our friendship after you left, to gain our trust again."   
  
Like she before, Harm wanted to interrupt, to tell her to not be afraid,   
but she, too, silenced him.  
  
"No, let me finish. You know what happened when I loved. Chris, Dalton,   
John. My greatest fear is that you could get hurt because of me."   
  
Another deep breath to calm herself, she forced down the tears which   
threatened to flow again.   
  
Harm cupped her face with his hands, caressing her cheeks with his   
thumbs, a gesture full of tenderness.   
  
"I can't promise you that nothing will happen to me. What happened to   
those men was not your responsibility - it was a chain reaction of bad   
happenings. You hear me - it was not your fault. I can only promise you   
that I will not hurt you in any way. Please, Sarah, give me.. no us..   
a chance to make this work."  
  
His breath was on her face like a sweet caress, those huge brown eyes   
were looking at her - not forcefully, but gentle, supporting whatever   
she would say.  
  
Her heart was beating fast, "Yes, I would like that."  
  
Harm smiled uncontrolled and was about to kiss her, when she stopped   
him, hands on his shoulders. "But I want to take it slow. I want more   
dates and ..."  
  
"Comfortable shoes!", Harm added grinning like an idiot.   
  
"That, too," she kissed him gently, floating in the sensation it was   
giving her. They leaned back, just enjoying the feeling of being so   
close to each other.   
  
The food, stressing conversation had made her exhaustion take over   
and it just felt so good being in Harm's warm embrace, she felt   
very sleepy.  
  
"Hey, " Harm gently rubbed her shoulders. " If you want, you can   
stay her. I sleep on the couch. If I remember correct, you slept well   
the last time?!", he said, stroking her hair.  
  
"Mhmm ?! ... No ... I think it's better if I leave. Remember, we are   
going to take this slow."  
  
He nodded in agreement, but nevertheless added," You sure, that   
you're able to drive home?"  
  
Sarah yawned, stood up and stretched.  
  
"Yeah, it's not that far. Good night, flyboy. Sweet dreams."  
  
Harm stood up and led her to the door, helping her into her coat.   
"Give me a call, when you're home, will ya?!"  
  
Sarah turned around, whispering a yes. She caught him by surprise,   
when she reached up, pulling him down to her, kissing him.   
  
They broke away breathless. " Goodnight, beautiful ," Harm whispered,   
shutting the door close.  
  
He did not fall asleep till she had called and even after   
he knew she was safe at home, it took him a while to finally fall   
asleep. He was excited, full of plans how to persuade Mac that he   
was honestly in love with her and that he is worth to be loved,   
but exhaustion took over and Harm fall asleep, smiling.   
  
  
[End] Part 2/? 


	3. Surprises

Title: " Letting Go "(3/?)  
Author: Catherin Rabb (catherinrabb@aol.com)  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any characters,   
just borrowing them for a moment.   
Classification: S (Harm/Mac)  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: None that I know of.  
Summary: What now?  
  
Thanks everyone for your feedback and patience. This is part 3 - a bit   
shorter then the first ones, but I hope you like this one, too. And   
Hailey, thanks for waiting, here you go. Maybe I'll manage part 4   
even tonight (19.5.01).   
  
  
Letting Go  
Part 3  
  
  
  
Harm was in seventh heaven. He and Mac had worked out an agreement.   
And what an agreement - he had finally told his Sarah how he felt and she  
agreed to give him a chance, but on one term: they would take it slow and   
all inclusive.  
  
It was morning and Harm had slept better than ever and sprang out of bed  
when the first rays of sunlight touched his sleeping area. It was 0600 and   
Sunday, so Harm decided to call Mac and ask her to run with him.  
  
So dressed in his sports wear, he pressed the speed dial with Sarah's name   
on it.  
  
Two rings later.  
  
"Mackenzie."  
  
Hearing her voice made his heart skip a beat.  
  
"Hey sunshine!"  
  
Mac's voice was still a bit groggy. "Harm?? Hey, it's Sunday, hope you have   
a good explanation for calling me so early!!"  
  
"Hey Marine, bit grumpy this morning aren't we?! I just wanted to ask you out   
for a run in the park !"  
  
"Oh, Harm, okay, only if we have breakfast afterwards!!"  
  
"Sure! Same old??"  
  
"Yep, see ya, Squid, in 15." And she hung up.  
  
***********************  
  
15 min later  
A park near Georgetown  
  
  
Harm was on time and greeted his Sarah with his famous flyboy- grin.  
  
They jogged along for an hour or so, after a through warm- up.  
The jog was over and Mac was probing him were they would have breakfast. But  
Harm didn't give in to her pleading. Instead he pulled her back to his car.  
  
"Harm, tell me, please!!" Mac was clinging to him, nearly jumping onto  
his back.   
  
Saying no word, he opened the trunk and pulled out a picnic basket and a   
blanket.   
  
"E voila!", he said, mentioning for her to follow him.  
  
Mac was skeptic, but curiosity got the better of her and she went after him.  
  
Harm smiled to himself. To know what your partner likes or dislikes, can   
sometimes be a big advantage and Harm knew his Sarah - she may be tough, but   
couldn't stand secrets.   
  
It was warm even this early in the morning, but the park was still pretty  
empty, only a few runners and dog-walkers.  
  
There was a perfect spot near the trees, which he choose to spread their   
blanket. Then he pulled her down with him, opening the basket he took out   
the food and some coffee and tea.   
  
"Here ya go, fresh bagels, cream cheese, honey and yogurt, plus fresh   
strawberries, " Mac couldn't help but smile at his last statement.  
  
His smile was everything Sarah needed to crawl over to him and snuggle   
up, leaning back against Harm.   
  
They slowly started to feed each other and when they were finished stayed   
holding each other and just watch the activity around them. On a playground  
near them children were playing, a young woman throwing a stick for her dog   
to catch. Other runners had come out now and were jogging along the path.  
  
Enjoying the closeness of the other, lightly talking about anything and   
nothing they spend the morning. Later on, after Harm had drove her home,   
she had taken a shower and a quick lunch, because the two of them had   
promised each other to meet at 0600, again, for another date.   
  
Point 6 Harm was at her door, greeting her with a secret smile and a kiss,   
before taking her out.  
  
No word about their destination from Harm drove Mac crazy. She begged, teased,   
even used her best puppy face, but he just grinned wider and kept silent.  
  
Just as they were leaving the city behind them, Mac spotted a circus   
near the woods.  
  
She gasped, "A circus ?!"  
  
Nodding, he parked the car and moved over to her side, to help her out.   
But Mac hadn't moved and was still staring, mouth opened, at the circus.  
  
"Sarah?! You okay?"   
  
Two minutes more and no movement from her until she finally turned around   
to face Harm, but there were tears in her eyes.  
  
Harm's face fell, "Oh no, I didn't want to make you cry. If this is   
upsetting you, we'll drive back!"  
  
When he was about to close her door, she stopped him with her hand on his   
shoulder.   
  
"Harm, no. I want to stay. And I am upset - yes. But not because this made   
me angry or anything. I just...I just have never been at a circus before!"  
  
Harm's mouth fell open and he could just look at her unbelieving. Finally,   
his brain kicked in and Harm remembered that most of her childhood was a   
living hell.  
  
"The let's go in and have lots of fun!", he said, softly smiling at her.  
  
Done as said, they had popcorn, petted the little ponies, dogs and cats,   
joked around with the clowns and immensely enjoyed the show. Sarah watch   
everything with widened eyes, excited like a little child she even   
jumped up and down pulling at Harm to follow her, whenever something new  
caught her attention.  
  
It was nearly midnight, when Harm took his happily exhausted Marine home.  
  
  
[End] Part 3/?  
  
What will happen when both return to work? Will anyone notice or will   
they just announce it?? What about the admiral?? You just have to wait   
for part 4, if you liked it.  



	4. Back at Work

Title: Letting Go (4/?)  
Author: Catherin Rabb (catherinrabbataol.com)  
Rating: G   
Disclaimers: JAG and its characters belong to Donald P. Bellisaro,  
CBS and Paramount.  
Summary: Back at work.  
  
Hi everyone!! I finally managed part 4. Wow. Maybe I can start and finish  
part 5 faster, if I get more feedback!! Please!!!!  
  
  
Letting Go  
Part 4  
  
  
0730 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
VA  
  
Mac was nervous. Everything between her and Harm was perfect again  
and even better, but she feared that everything was gone when she   
got back to work. Harm was already in his office, blindfolds closed   
as was the door - the sign that he wanted to be undisturbed. So, a   
bit disappointed, she retreated into her office.   
  
There, on her table was a beautiful bouquet of roses. Red, white,   
baby rose, blood red - every shade of red possible. A huge smile   
graced her lips when she smelled the fragrance of those roses,   
which was filling her office. A card was leaned against the vase.   
She stepped closer, putting her briefcase onto the table. With   
lightly shivering fingers she opened the envelopment and took a card   
out of it.  
  
*Some say love it is the river that drowns the tenderly,  
some say love it is a razor that leaves you're soul to bleed,  
some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need,  
I say love it is a flower and you its only seed.  
  
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance,  
it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance,  
it's the one who won't be taken who can not seem to give,  
and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.  
  
When the night has been to lonely and the road has been to long,  
when you thing that love is only for the lucky and the strong,  
just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow  
lies the seed that with the suns love in the spring becomes the rose.  
  
Dear Sarah,   
  
I love you with all my heart and I thank the   
roses for you.  
  
Love , Harm *  
  
She knew that song and always thought it was sad, but now it seemed   
to her as the greatest lovesong of the world. Happy tears were running   
down her cheeks. 'My squid really does know how to win a certain   
Marine's heart'.   
  
There were still a lot of files she had to look through, so she   
took a tissue out of her pocket, wiped the tears away and took her   
seat. ' Work can wait for just a few more minutes', she thought,   
picking up the receiver and pressing speed dial for Harm's office.  
  
"Rabb."  
  
"Good morning, Commander."  
  
"Hey, good morning to you, too, sunshine." , she could hear him smile.  
  
"When I arrived this morning, a certain someone has left some awful   
beautiful roses on my desk. You wouldn't know about it?", she teased him.   
  
"Me?? Did you like them ?", he asked suddenly sounding uncertain.  
  
"Harm, I loved them. Thank you, squid. How about I make up for it   
and invite you to lunch. Say 1230?!"  
  
"No."  
  
Now she was confused.  
  
"Not as a repay, just because you want to then I will be happy to go   
with you. And no beltway burgers, please!!"  
  
"I mean it, I love spending time with you, Harm. Then pick you up at   
1230." , without waiting for a respond, she hung up.  
  
They had lunch together and were now discussing how or better what to   
tell the admiral.  
  
"Okay, I think the admiral should know that we are dating. There is   
nothing in the regs about dating only about marriage, I think."   
  
Sarah nodded. "Yep. How do you think he will react? "  
  
Harm pulled over to the sideways, bringing the car to a halt. Then he   
gently took her face into his hand kissing her softly on the lips.   
"Sarah, no matter what the admiral is going to say, nothing will change   
what I feel for you. Hear that!!"  
  
Seeing her nod, he started the car again and drove them back to the   
office.   
  
Having decided that it would be best to talk the admiral as soon as   
possible, they went to the office together and ask Tiner whether the   
admiral was available.  
  
He was in and had time for them, so there they were. Standing nervously   
at attention in front of the admiral's desk.   
  
"At ease, " he finished on whatever he was working and finally looked   
at his two top lawyers, who were now standing there like children, who   
knew they did something wrong. 'Something's going on!', he thought,   
smiling to himself.  
  
"What can I do for you two? Commander? Colonel?", he leaned back folding   
his hands.  
  
Harm looked at Mac and she nodded lightly, telling him to go on.   
  
"Admiral, I... we just want to tell you that .. yes...well... "  
  
"We're dating, Admiral."  
  
No motion. You could have heard a pin fall down.   
  
"Well, I hope this doesn't effect your work, I'll have to accept that.  
But please inform me immediately if you take the final step. Dismissed."  
  
They both looked at him mouth opened. Dumb struck they shrugged their   
shoulders and turned around to leave.   
  
"Commander, Colonel!" AJ called.  
  
Both turned around. " It's about time." He grinned at them.  
  
End [4/?]  



End file.
